different worldexperience: Enriching and exciting experience at Viddya Vikka...

different worldexperience: Enriching and exciting experience at Viddya Vikka...:         My visit to a girls school which is located in countryside of Tamil Nadul was a pleasant visit and full of excitement. The things ...

Parents from simple and basic background proff to be the best parents and not the siblings.

From advance level adjusting to a much simpler life style and environment is not easy

    Growing up and attended school although more than half century ago, but the scar of leaving home town and going through life in a miserable environment almost halF century and more and yet this place which has already been ones place after half century still remains back ward and one need to go through with the flow , with heavy heart. This is what I have been experiencing in  a place which I have made my place since 27 years ago, after married and followed my husband. From a far advanced community and town to a most back ward or very rural place in a state , which is not any ones choice to buy property or settle permanently, unless the runaways and the migrants and those who find a shelter for them.           Both of us me and my husband found a shelter here and started our life, with out any savings  or a roof to name. Our kids were born here , grew up in simple environment, attended school and completed school  and they had their own friends and members. 

   Almost after 15 years we were helpless, no one to refer to, no relatives , once is a blue moon my brother visited  us. Every holidays I packed my clothing's and my kids and headed to either my siblings place or my in  laws place . We hardly spent holidays here in this place, which is to me a hidden world which has not been explored by the experts.

    I never ever dreamed or thought in my life much earlier, that I will be stranded at a place like this, Im shocked to learn that most of the communities have not really learnt about their own culture and mastered the daily language they use , not to mentioned about the way of life. Simple dialects and literary not in common use, many still use the ancient currency  word  " kupang"  in their daily life rather than cent. There no word such as exchanging ideas or to teach about something to friends or sharing , even the  students seems to be business oriented to teachers and try to market their products. Everyone is  materialistic and no spiritual or very less spiritual situations I came across here.
     Probably people are not really educated and they just want to market their product and make profit out of it.At this isolated place I bought everything from curry leaves, lemon grass, tumeric, fruits flowers, everytrhing was maney until I found solution all by myself after almost 10 years, to overcome this situation.

Our Exposures become our Expereinces

     

        When talking about experiences, I would like to recall my experience  about the exposure one gets, either from their own siblings, family members , friends , neighbors or people whom they meet.My life experiences are mostly from childhood in  my village with my neighbors kids and neighborhood friends. I believe at certain age everyone need to be given choice to decide or to determine their future. Something I found weird  growing as a an adolescent and when I turned into an adult at 21, I thought I  have my rights to decide my future and to pursue my interest.  


        If a father talks to his child, he will make sure his child choose what is best with his blessings, but in older siblings case especially ladies seems to be domineering even though their educational qualification  do not seems  to meet the younger siblings level. Once I was faced in that difficult situation and I was not given a choice by the older siblings especially the older lady who was controlling the whole family.


   

   What I had learnt whether the particular girl agrees or not but need to obey the older siblings choice without choice given. Until the older sibling threatened the younger sister that she will commit suicide and cant face her mother inlaw if her younger sister do not follow her wishes. This is what has been going on in many Hindu families for generations. Most the older sisters want is that the younger sister must get married off to some one far away and leave the family , so she can get most of the brothers attention and care. Due to certain unemphatic sisters interference in many younger sisters life and future, many live a life for  name sake and not the life they wished or the future that they hoped.


        There are special girls and gifted children being neglected by their own siblings due to their selfishness after married. What I have learnt growing up as a child, the home of a child seems peaceful as long all the siblings are single and in the presence of their parents. In the absence of the parents,the younger siblings   future is not predictable. Many talented youths  suppose to be successful in education and in life much earlier, but due to the older siblings control they  suffer life long and till their late years in life , due to life fixed by the adults and controlled by them, Those who left their family and live on their own seems far more successful than by those who have been controlled by their siblings.

My first train ride during college Years

   

     My final year study in College as a full time student rich of nostalgic, heart touching and disturbing experiences which were really sweet , when I recall when alone. The reason  is, since very young I have been burden with family responsibilities which was something that prevents my movements and involvements with friends and outside activities . 

 

     The two  activities  that I pursued in the the absence of my sisters were only reading and athletic. Most of my readings was in school and during school hours and after school in the school          compound and athletics  in the evenings which really gave me self satisfaction. My childhood friend Mano was my neighbor and he was always with me when I train long distant run with him, 

        My last days of college while I was travelling by train back home from Seremban met a German tourist whose seat was just next to mine, we started our conversation by introducing ourselves. He was a Mechanical Engineer, same age with me from Munich. He was travelling in Asia for almost one month and in Malaysia one week and heading to Thailand. 

     He describe to me about Tioman Island as one of the most beautiful Island with clean beaches and he is just back from Singapore and told me  later he will be will be travelling to Thailand, Our conversation started from education, food , health and nutrition, he seemed to be  a good communicator and he loved the Malaysian food especially the local cakes which I offered him, such as "kuih Ketayap, bengkang, kuih lapis and pulut panggang" from his talk I learnt that Germany is far advanced in 1988ies compared to Malaysia at that time which was still a 3rd world nation in 80ies. 

     The education system , school system , uniform , food, transportation , culture all these were our main topics. 'Christoff' thats his name , was with me for almost two hours slow train ride from Seremban to KL, he said he is coming from Singapore and heading to Tioman Island from KL. He joined few of his friends whom from New zealand and going to Tioman Island and said bye to me. 

          Meeting a stranger and having a conversation and knowing about his country  just verbally was something interesting, a stranger can be a good communicator, and shares so much information about his country, That was a  different and strange experience I gained during journey back home from college. 

        I do have childhood friends, and school friends but hardly talk  this much and with lots of information about school, education food culture and nutrition. This   is  been something a very rich experience and exposure  which I gained during my college days. being a student  and the plus point, study as a full time student that  is something, all need to experience and go through that precious era which will keep us energetic. I mean the student life experience is so beautiful, it will last in our life till our last years.

1988 the year I was on my own

          Year 1988 was the year , where I was on my own. No one was there to say anything or to suggest   anything as I  controlled my life fully 7 by 24 fo rthe first time in my life when I was away away from  my siblings. Earlier life was controlled by all my siblings  and at the same time I was performing my task of playing the role of nanny, Teacher, daughter, sister and aunt. Day and night my time was occupied either in school or in the house doing A to Z. Hardly sleep 4 hours daily. Early morning woke up at 4 am and at night slept at 12 am, this was my routine until I was transferred  to Ipoh after registered to get married.

      
        From 1988 January till November, I controlled my life, expenses and everything because I was away from my siblings but staying with my 3^rd brother in Ipoh. My brother most of the time was out station and away from home, So I was all by my self from marketing and attending extra classes. College life that year was the final year and I realized how much fun  I have missed in my life. I was surprised to see many of my course mates were so happy and jolly where else I was burdened unnecessarily with family responsibilities  in the presence of my older siblings, where I was taking care of my sisters children as a full time nanny.

          
        College days in Seremban, Raja Melewar were the most happiest moments in life where I was on my own away from everyone and no one was there to nag or to control, for the first time in my life I was like a bird which has just grown its wings with feathers and started to fly it was a beautiful feeling being on my own. I pursued my hobbies and interest such as athletics and reading. Daily many many hours of reading all the news papers in college library. 

     The house which  I was renting  , shared with 15 other class mates, It was  a double story terrace house with four rooms and 2 bathrooms. All my housemates were very sporting, and we almost every day had fun in the house either ball room dancing or sharing jokes and disturbing the other girls. My group of friends range  age from  24 to 34. Few were married with school going kids, where else, few of us  engaged and away from our fiancees. We had several prewedding courses given by the most senior ladies. 

    We the young ones blushed with the  exposure given to us by one of our older housemate. We try to escape from the senior lady by giving excuses but she did not let us go. There were times, I was very angry with the senior friend for being very frank with us.

         
     The quality time in Raja Melewar was only five solid months, and in these 5 months I didn’t visit any of my siblings, because I was very far away and the travelling journey takes almost  one day to reach my home, and all my brothers were married and settled in life and mother passed away beginning of the year, so I do not want to be an intruder to my married siblings. The same year My fifth brothers wife gave birth to their 2^nd boy in KL and since  Cheras in KL is much nearer to Seremban, I visited my brothers baby boy and went back the same day to Seremban.

       
      Two of my brothers visited me during my stay in Seremban and even asked me if I have visited my family members during one week break, Every one went back home during one week semester break except me and one of the house mate who was on due to deliver her baby, because her husband was  visiting  her from Kuantan. My 2nd brother who  lived in Kuantan and my fifth brother who was in KL visited me, they  gave me  Rm 50 and  with that money I bought a pair of ‘Power’  jogging shoes and trained almost every evening in the college field.

         
       I was advised by one of the college athletic coach Mr. Jaswant Singh to train with the boys, so I can compete in bigger tournaments. I was running with the men trainees almost everyday. But the full time girls were jealous of my performance and commitments, They told me, since I have been there only for  few months , I cant join the college team to participate in ‘ pestarama’ which held in that year in Kuantan. They boys told me that im going but the girls said, I cant join that group, I respect their word and thought that's the truth and did not even asked the coach about the girls decision.

     The coach also did not say anything to me, he would have thought that I was not interested but I was really committed and performed far better then any of those girls in all the running events from 100 meters to 3000 meters, in 5 months time I became very famous in this college and  most of the college staff and students know me because of my  athletics performance  and my creative writings.

          
          I joined the creative writing club in college. Loneliness  drawn me to reading and writing. This particular year I wrote about my childhood days,  my father’s absence and my mothers death. Thefeelings of depression, helplessness and loneliness, made me pour my  feelings into writing, I was even  thinking of applying   posting in Seremban. But sincde I was engaged to my husband, I called my brother and asked him, he told me to do as I wish and said that I’m legally married to my husband . I applied to join my husband at his working place in 88 with that, marriage certificate and the same year end my posting was  at  my  husbands place.          

The Single parent. My immediate neighbour

       My neighbour who was  next door to my house was a single father with 4 kids. When his wife gave birth to their  fourth child,she passed away. This single father, after his wife's death did not get married but played the role of  a father , mother, nanny and as a guardian to his four kids.

      Gopal thats his name, came to Malaysia from Tamil Nadu,  during his teenage years and worked as a blue collar worker. At the same time cooked food for his kids and washed their clothes and took care of them, send them to school and grew vegeis for the family's  consumption in a vacated land in front of his house.        
         Bananas, tapiocas, long beans, okra, aubergine, " "vetrillai valli kilanggu" a fruit in the form of a tuber  which is found on a creeping plant with leaves like betels.

    He also had chickens and turkeys other than ducks for his family's consumption. I had never seen him sitting or chatting with any one. There were two huge tree infront his house. One was  a jackfruit tree which bear juicy huge fruits and  another  one was a "drumstick" "Murungai"  tree.

   A mother can play the role of a father, but a single  father, to take care of the children and to educate them is very difficult, but as  a father this single parent send his kids to school and prepared food  for them, not only that, he also preserved vegetables and tapiocas which he grew in his garden.He dried  the boiled tapiocas and kept in a air tighht bottle for months, which is known as "vadam" or crackers.

     A father who had  also stitch his kids clothes and cleans the house every evening after coming home from work. Once I  still remember, he advised me about keeping the house clean and how to maintain the cleanliness of ones home. I was only fourteen at that time and learnt nothing from  my sisters about keeping the house clean, so I was not good at cleaning and maintaining the cleanliness of  my house.
   
     
      Gopals  wealth   was only the house in which he lived with his four kids and his grand child..
      
     I still remember , in his house only old metal boxes which he brought from India were used to keep the family members  clothes. The floor of his house was a rough concrete floor. His eldest daughter was my second sisters classmate. After her form five exam she was married off to some one from suffolk estate , which is at present known as Kg Kamaruddin in Sri Manjung.After married, his daughter followed her husband to Taiping where he has been living and  working.
   
      Sunday is the only day Mr.Gopal  to be at home fully and that is the day he collected and dried the firewood  as much as he can afford. Because during rainy season it is very difficult to get fire wood, or to cook, so in advance Mr. Gopal stored the  firewood in  the shack which he built to keep the fire wood and  the less used things.

    Those days almost all the families owned a shack opposite their house. My family's shack was used to keep all our bicycles and the fire wood.